A Leap of Faith
by lovingFinchel
Summary: Fate has a funny way of bringing people together. Finn is recently divorced and facing the reality of never realizing his dreams. Rachel is about to experience her biggest heartbreak. Who will they lean on?
1. Chapter 1

**I wish I owned some part of glee!**

He was exhausted as he walked out of the court room. The divorce was final, although she cheated he didn't fight Quinn on anything. Her lawyer walked over with an envelope and handed to him. He opened it to find $3000.00 with a note. "Pawned your shitty ring, here's half." Finn saw red that was his mother's ring the one his father gave him. He ran out of the courthouse just in time to see his ex-best friend and ex-wife speeding away in his '68 mustang.

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><p>The next morning he was waiting at the McKinley High School gym for her, "Hey!" She walked passed him pretending not to hear, "Quinn!" She still kept walking, "FINE I'll just start talking loudly about how you fuck Puck on school grounds I'm sure…"<p>

He was silenced by her hand on his mouth, "Shut up you idiot. Yeah okay I cheated but you know why. You were never home and…"

Finn held up his hand, "I'm not interested in your explanation as to why you cheated we are officially divorced." He took a deep breath and tried to hold back the tears, "Why? Why would you pawn the ring? I know I was a shitty husband to you and we should've never been married but damn Quinn you knew what that meant to me."

She squared her shoulders and looked him straight in the eye, "You feel like you lost something that mattered, you feel like a promise was broken to you, and you feel stupid for trusting me with it in the first place right?" Finn nodded. "Replace the ring with my heart, THAT'S WHY I DID IT. You never loved me you settled. You didn't seem hurt at all when I told you I wanted a divorce!"

Finn hung his head and tried one last time as he reached for her hand, "I did love you. You were my high school girlfriend, Quinn we were so young can you honestly say that you didn't settle for me? It's been 5 years, we're just different people. I know you want to hurt me but I never cheated, it just didn't work. If you ever loved me please just tell me where you took it." She turned around with an icy stare that went straight through him. He put his hands up in defeat, "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Just be happy Quinn, because whether or not you want to believe it I do care about you."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and began walking down the hallway as students started filtering in, "Finn! Wait!" she jogged up to him "Maynard's, the one on Main Street. I regretted it the moment I did it but I just wanted to hurt you."

Finn turned his head slightly to the right, "Well, congratulations you succeeded."

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><p>He was getting no where with the slightly overweight gentlemen at the pawn shop, all he was told was that the ring had already been purchased and no they could give no information out. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a woman waving at him from outside the shop. Finn thanked the gentlemen for his time and walked out of the store to meet the woman.<p>

She was mid-50's, with short brown hair and a very sweet smile. "What are you trying to locate son?"Finn took a deep breath and relayed the story of the ring showing her the photo he had blown up. She took it in her dainty hands, "Ah yes, I remember her" she chuckled, "she was not happy with you at all. Took the first offer given to her, no haggling at all!"

Finn took the photo back, "Yeah, I know but this ring it's important to me because when I finally do get it right and find the right woman I want her to have it and yes I know that's tacky for two women to have the same ring but..."

The woman shook her head, "No, it's not tacky it should stay in the family. Actually it was funny, the next day an" she paused to think of the right words "interesting couple came in and the young woman went right to your ring." She smiled as she remembered, "Cute as a button, oohing and aahing over the antiqueness of it." She took a sip of her coffee, "He on the other hand didn't care for it, said it wasn't flashy enough and was too plain." She shrugged and placed it back down on the counter and I guess well did you know it was engraved inside?"

Finn laughed, 'Yeah, that's my mom's favorite part of the story Dad sang Faithfully to her as a proposal cause he couldn't think of the right words."

The woman put her hand over her heart, "Well let me tell you she saw that engraving and squealed. I'm serious she squealed and there was no other ring for her in the world. Give me your phone number and I'll do some research tonight after grumpy pants in there goes home."

Finn smiled handing over his number, "Wow, where was she five years ago? I would've loved if my ex loved that ring as much as a stranger did not even knowing the history that went with it. Thank you so much, I look forward to hearing from you."

* * *

><p>It was about eight o clock when his phone rang, "Hello?"<p>

"Mr. Hudson?"

"Yes"

"Hello, its Muriel - from the pawn shop?"

"Oh, yes how are you?"

"Been a busy day but I do have good news, I got you a name and an address."

He listened intently writing everything and then, "Wait, I'm sorry did you say New York City?"

"Yes, they were here to tell her family of the engagement and then went back."

He tapped the pencil against his temple, "You don't have a number?"

"I'm sorry, they are unlisted. It's all I could get."

"No, no I'm very grateful Muriel thank you very much."

He leaned his head back against the couch, Quinn had gotten the house or rather he let her have it. Everyone thought he was crazy, she cheated and yet she won everything…but for Finn he didn't want anything associated with that life anymore. He did what had been expected and proposed to his high school sweetheart, he worked at his step father's garage, and he stayed put in Lima, Ohio. He looked out the window and saw a family across the courtyard stringing Christmas lights on their porch. It was his favorite time of year but he felt there was nothing to celebrate this year. He just wanted to hole up in this small apartment the next two weeks and let the season pass, but first he was going to New York City to find his ring.

* * *

><p>Finn stepped out of the airport and into the waiting taxi, "Where to?" Finn unfolded the paper and read off the address he had written down. He let out a low whistle when the cabbie pulled up in front of a swanky apartment building. He felt under dressed to even walk into the lobby but he took a deep breath and pressed PH reciting his speech over and over again. He arrived at the very intimidating double doors and pressed the doorbell.<p>

The door opened to reveal a man shorter than him with curly hair and wearing a scarf his brother would envy. "Hello, is Mr. St. James available?"

The man nodded, "I am Mr. St. James, and I'm not interested in whatever you are selling."

He began to shut the door as Finn wedged his boot in the door, "No, no sir um…please just five minutes of your time."

The man rolled his eyes and stepped outside the door, "Fine. Go."

Finn breathed out and began to tell the story of the ring finally ending with his plea, "So you see this is very important to me and I will be happy to buy it back for even more than what you paid for it but the sentimental value is…"

The man put his hand up, "Finn? Is it? my fiancée loves that ring. Personally I think it's small and quite provincial but she likes it. Sentiment? I don't know the meaning of that word."

The door opened to reveal a tall, slender redhead, pouting "Jesse darling, you're making me wait."

Finn looked around the man and pointed at her finger, "She's not even wearing it!"

The woman giggled, "Oh I'm not his fiancée, I'm his friend with benefits isn't that right Jesse-poo?"

Jesse pulled the door closed and turned to Finn, "you should go."

Finn shook his head in disbelief, "You. You're cheating on her? Then why marry her?"

Jesse opened the door and looked back with a sinister smile, "Easy. She's my ticket to fame and fortune."

The door slammed without further explanation and Finn's shoulders fell. He didn't know this woman but surely she didn't deserve this, no one did.

* * *

><p>He grabbed his coffee and managed to find a table in the crowd. He put his ear buds in and switched on his ipod, he really hadn't thought this through he didn't even have a place to stay, but he just thought if he could talk to the woman she would understand. It wasn't his place to tell her what an ass her fiancée was but he didn't know her and he wasn't going to butt in someone else's love life when he was the shittiest husband ever. Yeah he could own up to that. Quinn was right he never wanted to be home, sex was just that physical contact never making love, and anything she asked him to do he blew off. A few minutes went by when he noticed a shadow looming over him. He looked up to see a pretty brunette with big eyes holding a tray of food, her mouth was moving but he couldn't hear her. He reached up pulling out the ear buds, "I'm sorry what?"<p>

She smiled, "Um, would you mind if I sat here? I don't want to be by the window and it's really crowded."

Finn looked around and pointed to the chair across from him, "By all means be my guest." He noticed she kept her head down and wouldn't look at anyone while she ate. He turned off his music and cleared his throat, "My name is Finn."

She looked up slurping a lone pasta noodle into her mouth and smiled, "Hi Finn."

She went back to eating and he cleared his throat again, "and you are?"

Her head jerked up, "I'm sorry, did you just ask who _I _am?" He nodded and looked at her strangely. She dabbed the corner of her mouth with her napkin and leaned forward looking into his eyes, "You're serious. You really don't know who I am do you?"

Finn shook his head and looked around the shop, "No and you seem quite full of yourself so I don't think I want to know. Enjoy your pasta."

He wrapped his scarf around his neck and pushed open the door wondering where he was going to stay for the night and how he was going to find this woman. He could stake out the lobby, ride the elevator until he saw a woman push PH or… Suddenly he was brought out of his thoughts when he felt a hand on his elbow and looked down to find the brunette who he could see now was much shorter than he was. She bit her lip, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel ignorant for not knowing who I was. It's just I get recognized all the time here and it's startling to hear someone doesn't know me, but it's also refreshing." She stuck out her hand, "Rachel, my name is Rachel Berry. May I walk with you Finn?"

He turned out his elbow and grinned as she looped her arm through it, "Hudson. Finn Hudson and yes you may Rachel, although I have no idea where I'm going."

She nodded as they walked, "So you aren't from New York, have you been to Central Park?" He shook his head as her hold became stronger and they ran across the street.

* * *

><p>They were sitting on a bench in the park looking at the families playing in the snow. So what brings you here Finn?"<p>

He took a deep breath and told her the story of the ring, "My ex-wife hated the ring but I couldn't afford one at the time and I thought...you know it's my mom's she should love it then right?" Rachel nodded as he continued. "So the woman at the pawn shop tells me about this woman who has it now and apparently loved it and squealed when she saw the inscription and just fell in love with it." He nudged her shoulder as he took a sip of his coffee, "Where was that girl for me right?"

She swallowed thickly, "Right."

Finn cleared his throat, "So anyways I got the address and I found this cocky son of a bitch she's marrying. I go up to his penthouse and tell him the story and this woman comes out of the apartment not even wearing the damn ring and turns out this guy is cheating on her, using her for fame and fortune. His words not mine."

She's silent for a few moments then smiled over at him, "So you live in Lima?"

Finn nodded then put down his cup turning towards her, "I-I didn't tell you where I was from." She let the tears fall as she took off her glove revealing the ring. He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him, "Oh my god, Rachel I am so sorry. If I had known…"

She cried into his shoulder, "No, I suspected but we've been together since high school before I won my Tony, he even became my manager. I thought…I thought he loved me Finn." She slipped the ring off and placed it into his hand, "Of course you may have it back. It's rightfully yours, I'm sorry he was so cruel to you. Now you don't have to waste money on a hotel, here you can go to JFK and get home." She squeezed his hand, got up and began walking away. She had reached Bow Bridge and leaned forward with her head in her hands.

Suddenly she felt a strong circular motion on her back, "Rachel, why don't you come home with me? The woman from the pawn shop said you had gone home to tell your family about the engagement. You aren't going to want to be here when this news breaks."

She felt the snow falling around her, "Finn, I can't. They aren't home for the holidays I don't know anyone in Lima. I lived there most of my young life but I was home schooled after I was bullied in middle school." She bit her lip and pounded her fist on the bridge, "God I was so stupid the apartment is in his name. I have no where to go! I literally have no one to turn to. All my friends are friends with him too, I don't know what to do."

He took off his gloves shoving them into his pockets and did the same with hers, both of their eyes widened as their skin touched for the first time, "Rachel. My best friend well ex-best friend is the guy my wife cheated with. I have my mom, step dad, and step brother and a few friends from high school. I don't know anything about you except that you dig classic rock lyrics" she chuckled through her tears as he continued, "and that you deserve a Merry Christmas."

She laughed and wiped away her tears, "I'm Jewish."

Finn opened and closed his mouth and nodded, "okay so we'll get a menorah too and we'll do both!"

She looked up and smiled, "Jesse makes me do that stuff alone. He has no interest in my religion."

Finn shot her a half smile that weakened her knees, "I'm interested."

She blushed and looked toward the direction of her apartment building, "I'm up for the role of Maria in West Side Story, and I would have to come back if I got it."

"Well _when_ you get it then you come back."

She felt a tear slip down her cheek, "You believe in me that much? You don't even know me."

Finn laughed, "Yeah that is weird, but I just…I got a feelin about you Rachel. I know you're scared."

"He could ruin me Finn. I may be the actress and the Tony winner but he's been my manager and he has clout in this town."

Without realizing it he was walking her back toward the apartment building, "Are you happy Rachel? Cause you're right I don't know the first thing about you and you don't know the first thing about me. What I do know is you deserve happiness. He's not "yours forever faithfully".

Her head snapped over to him and she smiled the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen, "So we can have a Christmas Tree and a Menorah?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't own a thing.**

Rachel slowly walked down the stairs of her fathers' home. When Finn had dropped her off after flying back she immediately went to her room and cried herself to sleep. Was it wrong that she half-hoped this handsome stranger who had invited her to come home with him meant that she would stay with him? There was something so easy about him, from the moment on the street when she chased after him the conversation flowed. She wanted to tell him things that she'd never told anyone and she didn't know why. It felt good to be away from the prying eyes of the New York/Broadway gossip crowd but walking around this big house alone with nothing but tainted memories surrounding her was not making the break up easier. She sat down in her father's study typed her search into Google and left the house now knowing where the Hummel garage was located.

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><p>Finn was lying underneath a Ford Explorer half fixing it, half just lying there thinking of what his life had become. He was wondering what Rachel was doing, he had really wanted to invite her to stay with him but it was a crappy one-bedroom apartment, how could he bring a Broadway star there? He hadn't missed how she frowned a bit as he pulled up into her dads' driveway. He wanted to spend time with her, but she had <em>just<em> found out her fiancé cheated. Finn didn't want to be the one she cried to, but he also hated the idea of her being alone.

"Excuse me Sir? Can you please tell me if Finn Hudson is working today?"

Burt Hummel looked up from his paperwork to see a small brunette asking about his stepson. He smiled and nodded toward the Explorer behind her, "Hey Finn, you got a visitor."

He slid out from under the car taking in her appearance as he got up. She was wearing jeans and a hoodie. Being lower than her he could see that her eyes were bloodshot and tear-stained and she had her beautiful hair pulled through the back opening of a baseball cap. He wiped his hands free from the grease best he could and approached her noticing how his stepfather had left the two alone in the garage. "Hey Rachel."

She kept wringing her hands together, "Um. Hi Finn. I-I remembered you talking about the garage on the plane ride home." She looked around and sighed, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you at work."

"It's alright" he shrugged, "hey actually, you came at a good time, I was looking to take a lunch break…you in?" He didn't miss the small smile that crept across her face. "Alright Miss Broadway Star how does pizza sound?"

She bit her lip, "I'm a vegan."

"I know. I listened on the plane ride too. This place serves some of that." They sat down together at the table outside and watched the passersby, "Well this is nicer than our first meal together I have to say. You're making eye contact with me at least."

She put her head down so he could only see the emblem on her baseball cap, "I'm sorry about that, I was such a bitch."

He reached across and covered her hand with his own, "Hey, no, man I was just kidding Rachel. No harm done." He noticed a tear hit her paper plate and decided to change the subject, "I've noticed that no one else here has recognized you."

She wiped her tear and laughed slightly, "I didn't expect them to, if you aren't in New York or familiar with Broadway odds are you won't recognize me."

Finn laughed and put his hands up in mock exasperation, "Then why were you so pissed at me at the restaurant!"

She nodded in defeat, "Okay, point taken it was because we were in New York and literally feet from the theater I just left from. I guess I was on a high from the adoring fans."

"Well that makes sense, hey sorry to cut this short but I gotta get back to work."

She threw away her garbage and walked back to the garage with him, "I had a nice lunch Finn, thank you for inviting me." She turned to leave the garage and he noticed how her shoulders fell.

"Rach, wait." He waited until she turned around which was taking longer than he wanted. "Rachel?" She finally turned around but wouldn't look up at him. He didn't force her instead he gently took her hand and sat her down in a seat across from him. "Besides the obvious, are you okay?"

"No." she said it so quietly he had to move closer to listen as he realized she was crying softly, "I thought it was a good idea to come back here, but it's just so lonely. Everywhere I go I see Jesse and my dads. Like I said I didn't have many friends until I moved to New York but where are they now right?" She shook her head and wiped her tears, "I have no where to go that there aren't memories and it's just hard especially during the holidays."

Finn nodded and took a deep sigh, "Wait right here okay? I'll be right back."

He knocked against the door frame as he walked in, "Hey Burt, can I…you got a sec?"

Burt looked up curiously at his stepson, since the news of Quinn's infidelity and Finn's indifference to the situation had come to light he had distanced himself from his family. "Sure Finn, have a seat."

Finn proceeded to tell Burt about the ring, Jesse and Rachel. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "So I have a lot of personal time saved up and I was wondering could I take the next two weeks off?"

Burt placed his hands on his desk pushing himself away as he eyed Finn. "During the holiday season?" Finn simply nodded as Burt smiled, "Alright, on one condition. Two family dinners, come to the house and be with your family." Finn held up his hands to object, "That's my offer Finn take it or leave it."

Finn looked out the door and saw Rachel sitting in the big chair by herself with one of her knees pulled up to her chest with her chin resting on it as she continued to wipe away tears. Finn stood up and extended his hand to his step father, "Fine. I will probably bring Rachel and I don't want a huge deal made. Got it?" Burt nodded, "and I don't want to talk about Quinn, Puck, or the divorce."

She had her head down when he walked up to her, "So I made you a promise. Let's go get that tree and menorah."

* * *

><p>He had the tree secured to the bed of his truck and next came the menorah. Rachel looked over at him, "We actually don't need to buy a menorah, there is one at my dads."<p>

Finn pulled up into the driveway and took a deep breath as they both stared straight ahead at the very empty house. "This place is pretty big; I can see how you are feeling lonely." Rachel bit her lip and closed her eyes willing Finn to ask her to come and stay with him. He rubbed the back of his neck, "So I have a one bedroom apartment you can stay in my bed and I'll take the sofa bed it's actually pretty comfy." She remained silent as he went on, "or I could stay here with you if you didn't want to come to my place which I would totally understand."

Rachel smiled and put her hand on Finn's both of them taken aback by the feeling that surged through their bodies at the contact. "I don't want to stay here and I can take the sofa bed."

Finn grinned silently pumping his fist in victory as she hopped out of the car he yelled after her, "Hey! Do you need any help grabbing some things?"

Rachel was packing up some of her clothes when Finn entered her childhood bedroom. He let out a low whistle, "so this is Rachel Berry's bedroom it's quite colorful." She grew quiet turning her back and sitting down on the bed and patted the seat next to her for Finn.

She stared straight ahead as she spoke, "No other boy has ever been in here besides Jesse." She looked into his eyes anticipating his next sentence, "and no I don't want you to leave. It's just weird I had my first kiss on that piano rug over there. We had our first fight and I locked myself in the bathroom as he begged me to come out", she pointed to the bed, "and well you can guess what happened for the first time there."

Finn nodded and gently took his hand in hers, "Well, he's never been to my apartment and come to think of it you will be my first guest."

* * *

><p>As she walked through the door she was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't messy although it wasn't quite welcoming either. "It's nice; you haven't lived here very long?"<p>

"Um, I guess about 8 months I've been here."

She sat down primly on the sofa, "Where are all of your pictures, trinkets, things you like. This place doesn't say anything about you."

He shrugged handing her a bottle of water, "Well Quinn was my high school/college sweetheart so she's in nearly every picture and if she's not my ex-best friend is. I have some of my family but," he took a deep sigh "those only remind me of the person I used to be with them not who I am now. This place doesn't say anything about me because there is nothing to say."

Sensing that this wasn't something he wanted to talk about she turned toward the laptop on the coffee table, "Is it alright if I use your laptop?"

He nodded as he grabbed a beer from the fridge, "You want one?" there was silence, "Rach?" He turned around to see her head in her hands shaking it back and forth, he grabbed the other beer. "Rachel?" She pointed to the computer screen and saw the slender red head hanging on to the cocky St. James with the headline, 'Rachel Berry is out Laura Mack is in -more ways than one" The article went on to say how Rachel had left Jesse and Broadway, she was painted as an unfeeling, heartless monster and Jesse of course was the victim of her walkout. To add insult to injury the role of Maria was given to Laura and apparently Jesse had fought for her to land the role. Finn rubbed the back of his neck, "Rachel I am so sorry."

She lifted her head and shook it wordlessly for a few seconds, "I knew. I knew he would ruin me."

"Rachel."

She turned her anger on Finn, "and you, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!" He heard the slam of his bedroom door and the lock click.

He sighed and made himself comfortable by the door, "You know I didn't know who you were when I told you. Really, would you be happy with him right now knowing he was with that woman too? You're better than that Rachel. So you missed out on this part there will be others."

He winced as she opened the door staring down at him, "OTHERS! THIS WAS MARIA, FINN. MA-RI-A!"

Before she could close the door he leaned in, "Okay fine, do you want to go back to New York. I'll get my keys and drive you to the airport myself."

She sat down on the floor and he chuckled as he noticed she didn't sit on his bed, "I don't want to go back. I'm sorry; you're not the one I'm angry with." She took his hand, "I just...I'm sad, I feel like I've lost everything and I'm here in a stranger's apartment and my life is falling apart and no one cares. I am literally yesterday's news. No one cares." Finn stood up and went back to the kitchen. Rachel immediately jumped to her feet, "Finn, I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way please don't kick me out…"

She was stopped by a glass of wine and a beer in her face, "Rach, I'm not going to kick you out. You forget I've been where you are, well not the losing my dream role but my dreams have been crushed. So you get an hour, stay in my room lock the door put on sad music whatever you need to do." She nodded and glanced at the drinks, "oh these, well you're classy so I thought she'd probably like wine, but then I thought she may want a quicker buzz so we can get this tree decorated so I got the beer."

She grabbed both, "See you in an hour."

Before he walked away he laid his hand on her shoulder, "for the record, I care." She smiled sadly as Finn walked away, his heart broke as he listened to the sobbing coming from his bedroom. It was going to be a long hour.


	3. Chapter 3

"Alright Rach, I gave you fifteen extra minutes, time to come out and help decorate!" After he had no response he opened the door to find her laying on his floor clutching tight to his favorite blanket. He knelt next to her, "Rach?"

She opened her eyes, "I'm so tired Finn."

He picked her up and laid her on the bed, "Then why didn't you pass out on the bed, it's definitely better than the floor."

Rachel slipped her legs under the comforter, "It's your bed, I told you I would take the sofa."

He shook his head laughing, "I was never going to let you do that Rachel. You're a guest and my mom raised me right."

She started to sniffle and turned her back towards him, "Why wasn't I enough? What did I do to deserve losing everything I've ever worked for?"

He sat down holding her hand, "You're too good for him and you don't deserve this, no one does." She kept crying, "I really don't know what to say here Rachel. He's just an ass, I mean he didn't even want you to have the ring that you wanted."

She nodded and turned on to her back looking up at Finn, "he said it was too plain, but I really liked it."

"Quinn said the same thing, 'Oh, it's your mom's well when we have more money I'll get a new one right?" Finn shook his head, "It's like she couldn't look past a small stone and see what the ring really meant you know? The story behind it."

She bit her lip and held his hand tighter, "What's the story?"

Finn looked at her and chuckled, "A bedtime story? Are you really asking me for a bedtime story?" She giggled and brought the comforter up to her nose loving how it smelled like him. "Alright let me get my pajamas on and I'll give you your story." A few minutes later he walked back in surprised she was still awake. She patted the empty side of the bed. "Okay so my mom and dad were married right out of high school. He was going into the army but he wanted to marry her so apparently their song was Faithfully. So my dad takes her to the overlook, which has now been sealed off but it was romantic at the time. It's getting late and he's got to get her home before her curfew so they are on the way home and he starts singing to her. They end up in her driveway and he takes out the ring just as he sings Oh girl you stand by me, I'm forever yours faithfully. He slips the ring on her finger. She actually never said yes, and he never said the words will you marry me?"

She smiles as she looks up at him, "Your voice, you sang that beautifully Finn."

He feels her fingers brushing against his palm and slowly making their way on to his forearm. He notices that look, he's seen that look and god he wants to kiss her. "I should go Rachel, you got your story and now you should go to sleep."

Her eyes were already closing, "Okay night Finn."

He leaned down softly kissing her cheek, "night Rach." Her eyes opened as her hand snaked around to the nape of his neck bringing him closer. His lips softly touched hers sending a jolt of electricity through both of them. She tried to deepen it and feel the connection but he brought his hand to the one on the back of his neck bringing it back down onto the sheets. "Goodnight Rach." Finn walked out of the room and leaned against the door, "I. AM. FUCKED." Shaking his head he went back out to the living room and laid on the sofa bed. The last thing he thought as he turned his back toward the tree was that it was not possible he was falling for her. It was too soon and this thing only happened in movies, he just wanted his ring back, he wasn't ready for her.

* * *

><p>They kept a good distance from one another throughout the day. Finn had gone to the store to pick up some groceries and she was glad she had more than the hour to cry. She thought about the kiss with Finn the night before. It had been sweet and still somehow sad, she had wanted more but he pulled back. Wasn't he attracted to her? Of course at the moment this was her only friend and she didn't want to alienate him. Although if she was being honest for the first time in three days she didn't dream about Jesse, she dreamt of Finn.<p>

After dinner, a very silent dinner she decided to take a shower. She let the water slide over her body and let herself think about how different things were since this time last week. Last week she was in her fiance's arms feeling loved…who was she kidding she was getting fucked. "You can't miss making love when you've never had that Rachel." The realization made her cry harder and she slowly sat in the tub, "he never loved me, he tolerated me, he used me." Why didn't she see the difference before? She knew the answer because she had never been kissed the way Finn kissed her and held her hand. Even the way he spoke to her from the moment on the bench in Central Park. She'd never felt so safe.

She had no idea how long she sat in the tub as the water pelted her skin. "Rachel?"

She reached over to turn off the water and disguised her crying as best she could, "I'll be out in a minute."

* * *

><p>She was handing the ornaments to Finn to put on the top part of the tree alternating between sips of red wine. She couldn't help but notice the way his bicep flexed as he reached around to place the baubles on the branches. This was the longest she'd ever gone without having sex. If she could just feel him again then she could forget about Jesse and Laura and New York. "Finn?"<p>

He turned around with a smile, "Yeah?"

"Can we talk about s-something kind of personal?"

He stepped back from the tree and sat on the sofa bringing her with him. "Well yeah of course we can."

She took a deep breath, "How did you get passed missing the physical aspects of being in a monogamous relationship?"

Finn furrowed his brow, "You mean sex?" She nodded as he rolled his head against the back of the couch, "Alright, well Quinn was the only woman I'd ever been with. Of course when we were younger it was amazing and new but as we got older it seemed to be a chore. I'm a man though and when Quinn was gone the right hand just didn't seem to be enough." He chuckled before he noticed Rachel scrunch her nose, "Sorry, but it's the truth. Anyways I got drunk with some friends from high school one night and my friend Santana was there. I was going off on everyone, pissed off at the world so she suggests a good lay. It helped for a few months, and then I didn't want it anymore."

"Why not?"

"It didn't make me feel better. I didn't deal with anything, I hadn't made love to my wife for quite a while. I didn't miss the love I just missed the contact. Yeah I was fucking Santana but after a while it felt wrong and dirty."

"How did she feel about that?"

Finn chuckled again, "Eh, she's a lesbian believe it or not. As she said she always wanted to nail the high school quarterback back when she thought she was strictly dickly." He watched as Rachel nodded and bit her lip as she looked at him. He pushed the hair away from her eyes, "but Rachel, it only made me forget for a little while. There was no emotion behind it and in the end isn't that what it is supposed to be about?" She didn't know if it was the alcohol coursing through her or the way his fingertips felt against her temple. It could've been the memory of how his lips barely brushed hers the night before. She moved to straddle his lap and Finn quickly stilled her. "No Rachel, no."

She grinded her hips against him and spoke low, "cmon finn you can't tell me you didn't feel anything last night when we kissed."

She leaned down and brushed her lips against his smiling as he gripped her hips pulling her closer. He teased her bottom lip with his tongue and she parted her lips. Right as he went to join his tongue with hers she slowly rubbed his erection. "NO. I'm not doing this. I'm sorry Rachel." He picked her up, swiftly moved off the couch and returned to decorating the tree.

An infuriated Rachel moved toward the kitchen yelling at Finn, "You kissed me last night. You said you were my friend and would help me get through this." She turned toward the sink and began washing some of the dinner dishes. "Nice to know that a lesbian can attract you and help you out but you can't do the same. Are you not attracted to me? No really Finn, thanks for that. You're such a great fucking friend and…"

She was silenced when she felt his hands grasp her waist and his hot breath against her ear, "You want me to fuck you? I will fuck you, I'll make you moan and scream my name and you'll forget everything for an hour." He smirked as he saw her knees slightly buckle. He turned her around and lifted her on to the counter, "mmm maybe longer than an hour because Rachel the problem isn't that I'm not attracted to you. It's that kissing you last night I felt something more than just attraction and I know you felt it too." She nodded as a tear made its way down her cheek. "but if you want me to fuck you, if that's what you want I will, but its not what you deserve." Suddenly the grip on her hips loosened and he placed his hand on the small of her back to steady her as he traced small circles on her upper thigh. His voice went to barely above a whisper, "You deserve to be loved, and told you are beautiful. You deserve to have your body worshipped." He dropped his forehead to hers, "and I don't deserve to be used." She went to speak but could only watch him walk out of the room, "I'm taking a shower, you can finish the tree by yourself."

**thoughts?**


End file.
